Jason and I are redefining what “Happy Anniversary” means this year. You know a man really loves you when you tell him you want a divorce and he still buys you a Keurig for your anniversary.
Yup, the big D word.
For the record, I didn’t actually ask for a divorce for our anniversary. It’s something we’ve been moving towards for a very long time, and we’ve just been discussing it more lately. In fact, we’ll be talking about it with our marriage counselor at our appointment on Monday.
I wasn’t planning to blog about this side of our relationship, but I feel really guilty about all of the people wishing us a happy anniversary. Like we’re being fraudulent or something.
It’s not like we hate each other or even dislike each other. We’ve just come to realize that we don’t love each other the way we used to. Instead of falling more in love, we’ve been drifting apart, and all the work in counseling for the past 4 months has brought that to our attention. Back when we started going to counseling, I wrote about how priests and rabbis don’t perform marriage ceremonies, they witness them. It’s up to the couple to make the commitment and make it work.
That’s where Jason and I have failed. Although we’ve made the commitment to each other, we haven’t made it work. We’re fantastic friends, great parents, but poor partners. I have no idea how any of this is going to turn out, and I’m extremely scared about the outcome.
In the meantime, Happy Anniversary Jason. I love you and I’m honored to have spent the past 5 years by your side. You’re a wonderful man and an amazing father.