Crap. I’m totally in over my head on this. How do I go about explaining the concept of separation or divorce to Levi?
I’ve been holding a lot of stuff inside lately because I’m really overwhelmed by it all, so I’m just going to spill it in no particular order.
Jason is moving out this week. I have a new roommate moving in on Saturday. I’m totally not ready for any of this, but it’s happening and I just need to adjust.
I’ve tried talking to Jason about what’s going on, but he’s pretty much shut down and hasn’t been willing to talk. We did agree (for now) on a schedule for having Levi. He’ll get him Wed-Sun every other week, and I’ll have him the rest of the time.
Holy fuck. I’m going to regularly, VOLUNTARILY spend 5 days away from my son every other week. I’m not ok with that, but what choice do I really have? Jason is a good dad and it wouldn’t be fair to him or to Levi for them not to spend a lot of time together, too. Levi’s only 2, so school’s not an issue yet, though next year he’ll be starting preschool and that’s just one more thing I’m not really ready for.
I’m stressed to the max and trying to keep my head above water. The toughest part is trying to be positive for Levi. I do NOT want him to feel the tension between Jason and I is in any way related to him.
I went through two divorces as a kid – the first when I was 5 or 6, the second when I was a freshman in high school. It doesn’t feel like that long ago I was wondering if my parents still loved me or if I was the reason they were fighting or splitting up. I know firsthand how hard divorce can be on a child.
So you’d think I would have thought more about what to tell Levi. Today I realized I’m clueless. Kelly (who watches Levi during the day) mentioned today that Levi kept saying “Daddy go buh bye” and “Daddy leaving” while he was at her house today. It could have been him talking about the fact that Jason left for work early this morning, but what if it wasn’t? What if he understands that Jason is moving his stuff out of the house and won’t be living with us anymore?
I’m lost. On some level, I knew we’d have to explain something to Levi, but Jason and I haven’t talked at all about what to say. What’s appropriate to share with a 2 year old? How much is he capable of understanding? It’s not like communication is great between Jason and I, so how do we make sure we keep conversations open and honest with Levi?
I told Jason we need to sit down and talk tonight after Levi goes to bed. I have no idea where to start, but hopefully we’ll be able to fumble our way through it.
Advice from folks who have been through this would be very much appreciated right now.
Edit to clarify: Jason isn't “leaving” us as in walking out on us or anything like that. If divorce was anyone's idea, it was mine. We both agreed at our last counseling session that divorce was the best route to take. I've since brought up doing a separation and additional counseling, but Jason hasn't really responded, so I don't know if he's interested in that or not. Just wanted to throw that out there so folks don't think I'm the victim or anything here.