I’ve been putting off writing about this for a few days now. I was planning to write a post about the new guy I was dating and share some photos of an epic footie pajama excursion around town.
You’ll notice that last statement is written in the past tense.
I struggled with whether or not I should talk about Tyler at all here or on Facebook. For one thing, it seemed a little premature to introduce you all to someone that might not stick around for a while. But since I was spending a lot of time with him and we had been seeing each other for a little while, it seemed natural to mention him once in a while. You know, like when I tried cooking for him or accidentally tried to kill him. And of course I had to brag to you guys on Facebook when I snapped a photo of him helping with dishes at my place.
So naturally I’m pretty bummed that things didn’t work out. Ok, I’m more than bummed. I’m kind of depressed over the whole thing. After being with Jason for 7 years, I guess I forgot what rejection feels like. I forgot how painful it can be, and how it makes you question assumptions you made about the relationship and about yourself.
I’m kind of torn about how to bounce back from it, too. On the one hand, I feel like I need to try to win him back. I really like him. On the other hand, there’s usually a reason why relationships don’t work out, and I think it’s better to recognize that early on instead of getting closer and having a breakup be even more hurtful down the road. Like any two people, we had our incompatibilities that came up and we talked through them, but eventually you have to decide if being together is worth the compromise, right?
I know for sure that I have faults that I need to work on. Being selfish is one of them for sure. Understanding my own needs and why they’re important to me and how to articulate them to someone else is another big one. Working on my anxiety is also a priority for me right now. (I did call a psychiatrist for a psych evaluation after getting some encouragement from Summer at The Dirty Floor Diaries a couple weeks ago, but they didn’t have any openings so they put me on a waiting list. I’m still waiting…)
Despite recognizing what went wrong and deciding on what things I need to work on to be successful in future relationships, I still feel pretty crappy. Part of me keeps hoping the phone is going to ring and that it will be Tyler on the other end wanting to give it another shot. Part of me says “hey, it’s over, move on, you’re a bright, successful person with lots of potential.” Another part says, “Um, are you serious? You dated this guy for two months. That’s like a drop in the bucket. You’re not allowed to get so worked up over that.” Of course there’s the part that says, “Right, maybe this is a sign you shouldn’t be dating yet.” And there’s definitely a part of me that says, “Yup, this totally sucks. And it’s ok to feel bad about it for a little while. Nobody likes going through a break up.”
I have no idea what happens next or when I’ll be “over it”, but it feels good to get this off my chest.
I haven’t dated since I was divorced and it’s been 3 years. We were separated for 3 years before that. First, because I already knew I was broken from that relationship and I needed time to heal. I had been with that man for nearly 15 years of my adult life. I also needed to be here for my kids, who were going to start living in a family unit they had never experienced before. I didn’t know how that would work. I had always had both of my parents. I wanted to be the most I could for them and give them 100% of me. That way, when I did start dating, I would know when something was not right with them, because I know them so well. I just really needed some time for me. I had to learn not to care what my ex was doing as far as relationship-wise, and focus on me. I didn’t stay in the house, I went out and made new friends, tried new things (not jumping into cold lakes, but adventurous still); and found out who I was without him. Take your time, you have a lot to discover that is brand new again. Breathe.
I agree. Also, Jen, you are a wonderful person. Don’t take the break-up personally.
A friend told me that you need 6 months for each year you were married to recover after divorce. Take time and find more about you
Keep your chin up! It’s pretty healthy to recognize all that you have from this break up and I like hearing you focus on yourself more -it’s ok to be selfish and spend some time just taking care of you! You will feel better soon and remember all those fish in the sea!
My first relationship after my split with my husband was like this. I got too attached, too fast. I knew how to be a wife, not a girlfriend. I still struggle with that. I hate dating. It does suck, but you are amazing.
i’m sorry to hear this
Rejection is so rough. I do hope you bounce back soon. I don’t know you well enough to give advice, but I can tell you’re a pretty great woman so just know that!
I’m glad you are taking sometime to focus on you, so many people jump from one relationship to another without taking the time to focus on them selves and make some improvements. I’m proud of you
I think your insight into the situation and your feelings is amazing. Time is a great healer and teacher. Each day we learn something new and discover more about ourselves and how we relate to the world and those around us. It’s okay to feel the way you do right now and I am glad to hear you have reached out for help for other issues that are bothering you. We all have flaws in some way shape or form, it’s what makes us individuals and unique.
When you are feeling blue know that there are so many people who you bring a smile to every day with your posts and blog! You make me laugh alot and I thank you!
Love you friend.
I was excited (and quite frankly a little shocked) to find out you two were dating and I am sad for both of you that it didn’t work out. You are both great people. You are right though, better to find out that you are not compatible in a dating relationship after two months than to drag it on longer and have it be even harder later. Take it as a lesson for both of you. You will each be stronger (eventually) because of this.
P.S. I am again SOOOOO sorry about the HORRIBLE timing of my phone call!!
Don’t put any bad things in your mind,always have “faith”.
I have not had a date for 15 years. I find it is easier that way. However, you are young and learning early what pain feels like. It’s better to move on and that sounds like what you are doing.
There is no hurry. It seems it wasn’t that long ago you & your husband split up so why not take some time to have a relationship with … you! The rest will come naturally, with time.
Be secure in just being you. You don’t have to be in a relationship to be the person you are meant to be. Once you can be comfortable with that, a relationship will happen out of the blue when you least expect it.
Sorry to hear this. Give some time off of dating to get over it and see what could happen. When you feel like you are ready to move on, I am sure you will find someone new. Don’t give up!
I am so sorry for you that things didn’t work out. I have been through several heartbreaks in my life and it just sucks. I wanted to comment on this because I have a 19 year old son that has had his heart broken already. The guy befriended my son, stayed with him for about 6 months, took his virginity and then decided he wasn’t going to be with my son because he didn’t want to be gay and started dating a girl. Needless to say a couple of months later the boy wrote my son on facebook and told him he had a girlfriend but wanted my son on the side. That was difficult for me to have to see my son go through. Thank goodness he was smart enough to just ignore the boy. You have a good start thinking your way through this. I wish you the best of luck.