Are today’s moms spending too much time online? That’s one of the questions that Linda Morgan of Parent Map Magazine is tackling today in her article Living Under (Cyber) Cover: How Technology Is Shaping Our Relationships.

In her article, she mentions a few statistics that surprised me:

A 2010 report by the social media agency Big Fuel finds that moms in this country spend two hours a day connecting with friends and acquaintances online, and watch more than 90 minutes of YouTube videos every month. Seventy-five percent of moms research products and services online, and more than 80 percent check out products in online videos.

If you think all that screen time isolates these parents socially, think again. A 2009 Pew study reports that people actually connect more — to their communities and to each other — when using the Internet and mobile phones. “People’s social worlds are enhanced by new communication technologies,” says the study’s author, Keith Hampton.

The part that surprised me isn’t the statistics themselves, but where I fall on the spectrum.

It’s no secret that I’m a fan of online interaction and relationships. That’s one of the reasons I blog and spend time on Twitter or Facebook. I’m even quoted in this article about how I feel online interaction has added value to my life.

But sometimes I do wonder – should I spend less time building relationships online and more time building them in person? Linda’s article again got me thinking…

Liliana Lengua, Ph.D., thinks so. “Having a relationship means being present, being in the moment and being aware,” says Lengua, a psychology professor at the University of Washington. “There’s value in being mindful of the social context around you and the person in front of you,” she says.

She wonders whether those of us living online lives will understand what a deep, loyal friendship looks like. “Maybe our family members will be our closest relationships because we spend more time with them offline,” she says. “It’s left to be seen if we will have the same level of empathy and depth of understanding of people’s emotions and needs.”

I think some of the relationships I’ve built online do have meaning and depth. And I think today’s moms are doing more than just making online connections. We’re interacting differently. We’re creating new levels of intimacy. We’re redefining what friendship means.

Take Twitter, for example. I think Twitter has revolutionized our relationships. There are 5 distinct levels of relationships that have emerged from Twitter interactions:

Non-relationships

This is the one-way street that Twitter can sometimes be. You follow someone, they don’t follow you back. You get to know a little bit about them through their tweets, but there’s no actual interaction between you and that other person.

We do this in the real world, too. Think about the last time you heard a piece of celebrity gossip. You may have caught a glimpse into someone else’s life, but they know nothing about you.

Quasi-relationships

I follow you, you follow me. In theory, we both learn about each other through reading the other person’s tweets, but we never actually engage each other. It’s hard to consider this a relationship, since you aren’t interacting, but there is a slight connection.

Think of that friend of a friend. Maybe you heard a story about them, maybe you know a detail or two, but you haven’t met them yet. You know OF them, but you don’t actually know them.

Casual relationships

I follow you, you follow me, and we occasionally tweet each other directly. We interact. This category has a broad continuum – there are people who tweet each other once or twice, people who tweet each other quite often, and lots of levels of interaction in-between. The depth of the relationship varies depending on the frequency, importance, and intimacy of the information that is shared.

We have casual relationships in our “real” lives, too. Think of the barista that you chat with every morning while you order your coffee. At the very least, they know your favorite drink. Maybe you also chat about your kids or your job.

Friendship relationships

I think both twitter and real-world connections move into this category when the communication changes from mere information exchanges to a back-and-forth of listening, empathizing, and sharing experiences with each other. I have genuine friends that I know only through Twitter. We’ve progressed through each of the stages listed above, and I can honestly say I feel connected to them on the level of a friend.

This is the level where Twitter and the real world often collide. We “take the relationship offline” through Tweetups, meetups, conventions, and more. Suddenly there’s a real person to hug or shake hands with. This isn’t a new trend – just think of the people you know that met through online dating. Same concept, but in a platonic sense.

Intimate relationships

I haven’t personally experienced this relationship level from online interaction, but if you believe the online dating commercials, thousands of people have met online and brought their relationship to this type of deep level. This isn’t just marriage, either. I’m sure there are people who have become best friends and confidants through social media.

My Thoughts

Could you move through all of these levels without actually meeting in person? I’m not so sure. I think it’s easy enough to reach the friendship level, but to have a true intimate relationship, I think you need to have met in person.

What do you think? Have you met someone online that you would consider a friend? How about a best friend? I’d love to hear your story.

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LifeWithLevi  (665 Posts)

Jen is the busy MN mom behind this site. When she's not busy at work or at school, she's either chasing her son Levi around the playground with her husband Jason or hiding in the bathtub with a book & a glass of wine.

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